My Journey

 

So this is me at 22 at my sisters wedding. The girl, the one smaller than me, is my sister. It was her wedding and she was 8 months pregnant with my beautiful niece.  I was not pregnant. I was just really overweight and really unhappy.  I remember as I was getting ready for the wedding my grandma came up behind me and put her hands on my stomach and said "you really need to get rid of this".  It killed me and motivated me at the same time.  I am only 5ft tall so here at 230 pounds I was very overweight, very unhealthy, and very unhappy.  I decided to do something about it. 

 

First thing I had to do was get out of a really bad relationship and focus on myself. I gave up fast food, soda, joined a gym, and the weight came off.  Fast forward to 23 and I was happy, healthy, and madly in love. So I married that man and was really enjoying my life and my body.

 

 

 

Life was so good. I moved to NC and was having a blast with my husband. And shortly after we got married we got pregnant. And I got big

 And bigger

 And seriously like so big!!!

 

 

I totally gave up all my healthy habits while I was pregnant. I ate whatever I wanted, I drank soda every day, and I did very little exercise. It was completely normal for me to spend practically the whole day just laying around- except for of course driving to McDonalds for a chicken sandwich with pickles, as a snack, pretty much every day.  Everyone told me it was fine. It was just baby weight. It would go away as soon as I had the baby. And if I nursed it would just fall right off...

 

 

But it didn't. In fact, I left the hospital weighing the exact same as when I went in.  After having a 7lb 4oz baby. The weight didn't fall off- at all.  And I went from a cute pregnant girl to a very overweight girl literally overnight.  I hoped that maybe breastfeeding would help with the weight. But it didn't. And again I found myself getting bigger

 

 

 and bigger

 

 

Breastfeeding wasn't helping.  The weight wasn't falling off.  And I started to notice some other problems too.  I was getting really hot all the time and feeling like my heart was racing.  To the point that I would take my pulse and be terrified at how fast it was beating.  I was also hungry all the time, and would get really lightheaded if I didn't eat for a little bit, and everything just felt off.  I went to my doctor and a bunch of blood work later they realized that I was insulin resistant, hyperthyroid, and my liver levels were dangerously off.  I had to stop breastfeeding and take medicine to control my heart rate. I also had to see a specialist.  At 24 years old I had to take a beta blocker.  I remember the doctor bringing in my husband and going over the signs of a heart attack- because they were worried that with my weight and health issues it could happen at anytime.  They told me I would end up diabetic, I would need my thyroid removed, and I needed to have a biopsy of my liver. I went home and accepted that this was just how it would be, because that is what my doctor told me. 

 

 

 My sons first Thanksgiving. I had been taking the beta blocker for about a month and was finally starting to feel somewhat normal again.

 

 

For Christmas we went home to visit family.  I literally wore this outfit to each house we went to because it was the only thing that really fit and I thought it was flattering....so yes there were things less flattering.

 

The end of January in NC was gorgeous. So I asked a friend if they would do some family pictures for us.  I was so excited to have some beautiful memories of my family. But what I got back was the first wake up call that I needed to do something different and drastic.

 

 

 

 

Looking at the pictures made me so sad. As much as I loved that I had these memories of my family I didn't recognize myself.  I just saw a fat wife and a fat mom and it broke my heart.  I wanted better for my husband. I wanted better for my son. I wanted better for myself.  I really don't know how to explain it to someone who has never dealt with weight issues.  Its really like you are drowning in your own weight.  Like every single pound is a shouting at you and screaming at you and telling you that you aren't good enough.  I felt like I was less than a real person. So I started walking.  First time I went walking I made it like halfway around the block and had to stop.  I had given up on myself when the doctors gave up on me, but now I wanted better. So the next day I went out again and pushed myself just a little bit further.  Day after day I pushed myself.  Eventually I was walking a mile a day and taken off the beta blocker because my thyroid had leveled itself off.  I didn't need to get a liver biopsy either because all my liver blood work started coming back normal also.  By August 2012 I looked like this

 

 

 

More blood work showed more normal levels.  And a glucose tolerance test showed I was no longer pre-diabetic or insulin resistant.  I kept walking every day doing 3 miles a day and a year later I looked like this

 

 

There was almost no difference.  I continued to walk and I was more active than previous years but I was no longer losing any weight.  While I was so thankful to be smaller and healthier than I had previously been- I wasn't happy.  I didn't feel like this is who I was or what I was supposed to look like.  I felt like I was trapped in this fat body- like a prisoner who couldn't escape.  

 

I have the most amazing husband anyone could ask for.  Through every pant size, every medical issue, every night I sat and just sobbed because I hated my body my husband has stood by my side and told me I am beautiful.  He is really amazing. And at this point I had sort of just accepted that maybe this was as small as I could get and just to deal with it. 

 

But then there was my son. My sweet, loving, brutally honest son.  See he is only 3.5 so he doesn't really know how it works yet.  He doesn't know you are supposed to tell women that they are beautiful no matter what.  He doesn't know that saying things about someones weight is mean.  And he doesn't know the difference between someone with a really big belly and someone with a backwards butt....because that is what he though I had, and he had no problem telling me that one day.  We were sitting on the couch together and I was scrolling through facebook and I came across a before and after picture for some weight loss thing.  I didn't even know he was looking at the screen until he jumped up and yelled "That looks like you mommy!".  I laughed and looked at the picture and said "the one with the really blonde hair??"  and he said "No! The one with the backwards butt!". And right there, right then, was the second wake up I got that I needed to do something different. 

 

At this point I was seriously lost though. I had tried a bunch of different stuff and nothing seemed to really work.  I started up p90x again and tried to pick healthier choices and was determined that I would get rid of my backwards butt.  About a month later I ended up in my doctors office for a sinus infection.  I was actually excited to get weighed because I thought for sure I had lost.  Stepped on the scale. Waited. And then almost died when I saw I had gained 5 pounds.  By the time the doctor came in I was just a blubbering sobbing mess.  I told him about the backwards butt, and the weight gain, and hating myself, and really truly wanting to do whatever it took. 

 

Now this is something I will never deny, and its not for everyone, but my doctor and I decided that I needed a little more than just diet and exercise to get things rolling.  From being overweight for so long he said my metabolism had likely just crashed and we were going to have to reboot my system.  I left that day with a prescription for adipex- but even better than that I left with hope.  I was going to do it. I was going to do whatever it took to lose the weight.  And now I had the support of my doctor, a pill to help my metabolism, and all the motivation I needed. I got this!!!

 

Day 1- December 7, 2013

 

 

 

 So here it is. The dreaded "before" picture.  Although at this point its more like an after the before and after and before and after photo. Or something like that.  But this one was different.  This one would be the last before picture. This was the last time that I would look like this. I researched the crap out of losing weight, diet plans, exercise plans, tips for using the medicine, motivational stuff, anything I could think of that would help. I switched sugar for stevia, gave up all dairy except cheese, gave up my coffee creamer, stopped eating gluten, cut out beer, cut way back on all other alcohol,  packed my diet with quality meats and lots of veggies.  I also recruited my best friend to be my food monitor.  I literally sent her pictures of every single thing I ate all day long. I still do- mostly. I also stated taking a picture every single Saturday and I send those straight to her also.  See, while my husband will tell me I'm beautiful no matter what- she has no problem telling me if I need to get my act together.

 

 

Here's the new me. 

 

 Literally a totally new me. A new look, a new hairstyle, a new body, new outlook on life, a new appreciation for diet and fitness, and a totally new lifestyle.  At 27 I am the healthiest and happiest I have been in my entire adult life.   The biggest thing I have learned on my journey is that you HAVE to commit to whatever you want to do.  You have to do whatever it takes and give it your all.  Diets wont work.  Fad workouts wont work.  Awesome metabolism boosting pills wont work- at least not on their own long term.  You have to change your thoughts, your behaviors, your whole life.  You have to watch what you eat, make good choices, cut back alcohol, work out until you are so sore you are using frozen veggies to ice your legs.   I have also learned that its totally worth it. 

 

 

February 17, 2014